i see you

I see you hopeful, wishing, and excited.
Planning and prepping for a baby.
But month after month you wait and wait, and wait.
You know you are meant to be a mother, so you persist.

I see you trying, trying again, trying to "just relax." You search the internet looking for answers. You started acupuncture, yoga, and even some meditation. You take vitamins, eat a special diet, go to sleep early. You are doing everything "they say." Then eventually you wish "they" would shut up.

I see you expecting, wanting, anticipating.
You will do anything to be a mother.
To hold your baby in your arms.

You track your ovulation, pee on sticks, take your temperature.
You know that it shouldn't be this hard. You have an app, and you time your intercourse. But month after month you wait and wait.

I see you late at night, wondering why is this happening to you. Questioning yourself, are you not good enough to be a mother? Or a mother again? I see you hurting and feeling empty and looking for answers. I see your tears and heartbreak. I see the invisible losses and the grief.

I see you in the early morning of a new day, hopeful. Alongside other women who wait. Each one with their own story, a similar journey but with its twists and turns. In the waiting room, again and again, you wait. They take your blood, and you take the medicine. You hate needles, but each day you overcome your fear and do it. You wait for the right day at the right time, for the right number. Then you wait again. For the call.

Overwhelmed, angry and guilty. I see your resilience.
Another cycle, another negative. I see your persistence.
Feeling broken and isolated. I see your courage.
You are not alone.