Infertility And Staying Positive In The Wait

Joy In the Wait

Okay, I know positivity can be a sensitive topic. I am not writing this to tell you to “just be positive” or to have “good vibes only”. I know from my own personal experience that seeking help for infertility is not something that is easy to navigate and can be a confusing and overwhelming time. I am not discounting that or anyone's personal experience.  

When you're in the deep end of fertility treatments, just barely keeping your head above water, it can be hard to have a positive outlook. With that being said, I think it is important that you keep a positive outlook while trying to conceive through infertility. Additionally, it is okay to support someone with positivity if that is how they want to be supported. 

And…

I think that while navigating infertility we live in a world of  ‘and’ and ‘in betweens.’ During your journey you can feel both sadness and optimism for the future.  You may feel both lonely and connected.  All of these feelings are valid and can feel heavy at times. 

The Mental Toll Of Being Diagnosed With Infertility

Did you know that both women and men suffer from anxiety while seeking infertility treatment? This study of 352 women and 274 men clearly shows the link between infertility treatment and feelings of anxiety. For example, 75% of women and 60% of men said they experienced anxiety while going through infertility treatments. The study finds good evidence that seeking out Mental Health Services can reduce psychological distress and improve outcomes.

In other words, being diagnosed with infertility is a stressful event that can lead to mental health challenges. The uncertainty and roller coaster nature that surrounds an Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART)  cycle can make even the most positive person feel dejected.

While I was going through my IVF cycles, I, too, felt very anxious about so many things. The things that worried me were being on time for my appointments, making sure I had the right medicine, and taking the correct dose at the correct time. It was a never-ending cycle of stress. Some of the physical symptoms I experienced were sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, indigestion, and other gi issues and worry. I didn't know it at the time, but I had tools to help me through. ⁠

Positivity And Social Support Worked

Keeping a positive outlook and having a strong support system is what helped me through some of my most difficult days. Seeking professional help or peer support is an important step to helping you explore and connect with others who can  help support and encourage you in this season of life. Being able to speak to and relate with people who know what it is like to feel the way you do and understand the process helps you to know you are not alone.

First I understood that it was important to balance a positive outlook with a realistic view of the world and that made the difficulties of infertility feel less daunting. By being optimistic, you also build resilience to adapt when things don't quite go the way you expected and to gain the ability to recover after an event or challenge. ⁠

It's a fact of life that bad things will happen, and you will not always be in a good mood, especially while trying to conceive through infertility. However, people like you who know how to keep a positive outlook are more likely to cope better through difficulties,  and have improved psychological and physical well-being. They can also find creative solutions to the problems they face. Being optimistic is one of the resilience skills that I found to be the most helpful while navigating infertility.

How Can I Have A More Positive Outlook?

There are three things that helped me to have a more positive outlook and

• Reframe The Situation

The frame through which a person views a situation determines their point-of-view. When that frame is shifted, the meaning changes and thinking and behavior often change along with it 1.

An example of reframing is instead of saying to yourself, “I can’t do anything right” say to yourself “That did not go the way I planned,but I tried my best” By changing the way you frame that sentence allows room for improvement without the shame or blame. 

• Gratitude 

A gratitude study conducted at Harvard found that “gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” 

 One way you can acknowledge gratitude is to  write down a few things each day you are grateful for. Additionally you can send a text or make a call to thank someone who has helped you while you are in this season of life. 

• Choose Joy (Even Just For A Few Moments) 

Even just for a moment can change your response to what is happening around you. I made a pinterest board here called J O Y  I would look it over at the beginning and end of each day. 

Seeing smiling happy faces made me feel joy and there is a scientific reason why. Dr. Isha Gupta a neurologist from IGEA Brain and Spine explains,  a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin. “Dopamine increases our feelings of happiness. Serotonin release is associated with reduced stress. In other words, smiling can trick your brain into believing you’re happy which can then spur actual feelings of happiness.2.

I'm not telling you only to think positive, and I don't mean you should pretend everything is okay when it's not. That's what we call toxic positivity. Being resilient means recognizing suffering and being optimistic, grateful, and knowing that you have the resources and ability to adapt and recover. 

Helpful Phrases To Use When Asking For Support 

I want to remind you that it is also okay to ask for the support you need and that it may change from day to day, and that is okay.

Share With People Who Are Supporting You How You Want To Be Supported. You Could Say Something Like, 

"I really just need to vent, no need to give me any advice." 

"I don't know what to do, do you have any ideas?" 

"I really just need you to sit with me, I don't want to talk." 

Helpful Phrases To Say To Someone Who Is Dealing With Infertility

The Best Way To Support Someone Going Through Infertility Is To ASK Them How They Want To Be Supported. You Could Say, 

"What type of support do you need right now?"

"Do you mind if I just sit with you?" 

"How can I best support you right now?"

Okay, friends- do we agree and disagree on this? 

Let me know in the comments!